Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Rachel's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, June 22nd, 2003
11:05 pm	just got home from Detroit where I went for my cousin's wedding. I CAUGHT THE BOUQUET! while I will not be following the tradition of being the next to get married, I still think it's pretty damn cool. That was Friday. Saturday we went and picked out the headstone for my grandma's grave. It should be really pretty, it's a pink slanted stone, it says: In Loving Memory Sallie Jones date of birth - date of death The Lord is My Shepherd We finally agreed on it, and I think the lady kinda thought I was in charge, but that was ok. Got to see Travis tonight. It's his first night at his new store, so I'm going to go visit him soon. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 19th, 2003
3:44 pm	just got home. Travis and I went to dinner last night, went to see Fiddler on the Roof at the Muny and then we went to a hotel. It was such a good night. Leaving tomorrow morning for Michigan to go to my cousin's wedding. still all sickly, clogged up in most of my head crevices. Ugh. Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 17th, 2003
3:05 am	i stopped by QuickTrip and put flowers on Travis's car. 2 Roses - one orangish red, and one red. And a card. It was a cute card, too. My throat isn't really any better but I'm successfully ignoring it. I think I should probably go to the doctor tomorrow, er. . . today, . . . because I'm going to Michigan this weekend for my cousin Ryan's wedding, and I would prefer to not be sick. Also, I have a REALLY cute picture of me and Travis from his cousin's wedding, which I need to post. First, I should figure out how to post it, but then, I'll post it. This trip to Michigan this weekend is going to be weird. It's the first trip since Grandma died, and I just don't know if everyone is going to be back to normal yet. I'm sure not, but I don't know if they'll fake it for the wedding. I hope so, to an extent. I don't want them to get all fake and smiley and act like they're on a prozac overdose, but I don't want mopey either. Hopefully on the day of the wedding we'll be able to celebrate. The news really disturbs me lately. All I hear about is Christian Ferguson, the 9 year old boy who is severely retarded and was "kidnapped" when his father's Explorer was "carjacked." Obviously, I am skeptical of this story, because his father has a lawyer at this point and has made no public pleas for his son's safe return or any effort whatsoever, it seems, to try and find his son. Plus parts of the story just don't match up. I dunno, it seems like another Susan Smith sort of incident. *Sigh* Final Thought: My cat is weird. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Monday, June 16th, 2003
6:41 pm	i think i'm dying my throat is swollen and I'm all sickly. i'm achy and i can't cough or swallow without my throat hurting. I hope I get better soon because we're going to the muny wednesday night and getting a hotel afterwards. i would scream in anguish but i don't think it's physically possible. Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 12th, 2003
7:46 pm	had a long day yesterday. Travis came over and we hung out, went to lunch, then I went to work and afterwards, went to see The Italian Job with the boy and one of his friends. It was quite good, despite it making me want to drive like a friggin maniac afterwards. We went to Denny's, and then Travis took Shawn home (his friend) and then came back to my house and we talked for a long time and did other things. We had some awesome conversation, really soul-bearing. I'm so crazy about him. It scares me sometimes, just because I'm afraid I will frighten him off, but he's got that same fear, so I think that's a good thing. I don't think either of us will scare the other off, I think we're actually really healthy for each other. His ex was kinda psycho and wouldn't allow him any time for himself, and he said that I definetly do, which is a good thing. i'm going to buy him flowers tonight and put them on his car along with a note. *swoon* Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
9:05 pm	Believe it or not, George isn't at home . . . . Yesterday I went to the hospital with Travis because his momma was having rotator cuff surgery. poor boy was probably exhausted, he came over to my house sunday night for dinner, then to the hospital, then he got a few hours of sleep and went back to work monday night. Then he had a dentist appointment, and then a store meeting. Anyway, that I came home and took a nap, then called Melissa and we went to Coffee Cartel. There, we saw Jason and Joe, two boys we knew from IWA theater. Gave Joe a ride home. Stopped by QuickTrip and visited Travis at work. today: nothing. absolutely nothing. I'm going to go tomorrow to apply for a data-entry type job at express scripts. $10.75 an hour!! i hope i get it, i'll take one class a semester and then get my health insurance through there. Mucho Dinero. Travis ain't called me yet tonight. I'm sure he's still sleeping, but I wanna see my man! Current Mood: peaceful (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 7th, 2003
11:03 pm	well . . . . . Haven't updated in a while, for I have been in Michigan (where I still am) because my grandma died. Tuesday she died, Wednesday we drove 10 hours to Michigan, Thursday was the Wake, Friday the funeral, today I didn't do much except recover from drinking friday night and i went shopping with my cousin sarah and hung out with the family. flying home tomorrow at 9 am, and then I'll get to see my Travis eventually sometime during the day before he works. i'll probably get to stop by work and pick up my check too, and figure out when I work this week. Travis's family is going through some rough times, his mom is having rotator cuff surgery and they're getting kicked out of their house because the woman they're renting from is going bankrupt and needs to move back in. I feel bad, and he does too, especially because he's moving out, but he's gotta do it sometime or else he will never escape. i'm tired, I hope that when I get to bed I'll actually be sleepy. It has been a long few days, and I'm ready to be back home, sleep in my own bed, and see my man. Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003
1:21 am	Apartment Shopping! Travis and I are apartment shopping tomorrow after breakfast. No, I'm not moving in with him, but he wants me to go with him while he looks for an apartment, he wants my input. Yay! Must go to bed, he'll be here at 7:30. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 1st, 2003
2:11 pm	It's Been A While. . . . wow, I haven't updated my journal in forever. Lets see. . . . Thursday was the big 2-1. My parents bought a bunch of dinner for my friends, and booze for me. i had a bunch of shots: 4 Wisemen, Fuzzy Navel, Redheadded Sluts, etc etc. I got pretty . . . um. . . happy? After dinner we went to the Casino (get all of the initial 21 events in one night), where I lost $2, but that was all I gambled, so that wasn't too bad. Bought Kathleen some drinks because she conveniently had no money on her (I thought on my birthday I wasn't supposed to buy a damned thing??) but the drinks are so damned cheap at Ameristar that it was $2.50 for a round of drinks for the both of us. I went to a wedding last night with Travis, got a bunch of Whiskey Sours (they had no amaretto) and we ate some great food (Chicken Cordon Bleu, twice baked potatoes, yummy yummy yummy!) and then we came home and "watched a movie." **big grin** I need to clean my room so bad . . . . But I might go to Fast Eddie's tonight instead. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 24th, 2003
12:48 am	my day disappeared I woke up at 9:30 today, laid out in the sun for a while, went to work and got my check and some Celery colored pants, then came home, played on the computer a bit, ate some food, showered, and went to work. Doesn't seem like much, but where did my day go???? I work at 9:30 tomorrow, I think I'll come home and take a nap. Travis wants to hang out i think, which is fine by me :) Then I work sunday 11-3, tuesday 5-close, and wednesday 10-6 . . . . but I have a weekend off thanks to my birthday!!!! 5 more days! Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Friday, May 23rd, 2003
1:49 am	The "L-word" not lettuce, lexus, labia or leprocy. . . . . Travis said "I love you" to me. . . . twice! Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 22nd, 2003
5:18 pm	spent the last 2 days with Travis and his brothers. I really get a long with that group. Tuesday night we went over to Adam and Jennifer's apartment (his brother and his girlfriend) and just sat around drinking and having a good time. Got a late start, but it was fun. Played Dirty Minds, which is far more difficult with alcohol in your system. We spent most of Wednesday just being bums, watched some American Idol and then went bowling, and watched the rest there. Clay lost. :( When I dropped Travis and Jeremy (the other brother) back at his house, they both said "oh shit" under their breath when we pulled up to the house - Heather, the ex-girlfriend, was there. I decided I would face the music and I walked in with them. She wouldn't make any eye contact whatsoever, and appeared to be leaving as we were coming. Fine with me, I wasn't about to get my ass kicked for having a boyfriend. We sat with his parents for a while, and his dad told me I'm cute. :) He asked if travis and I were "going steady," to which Travis replied "She's my baby!" It was really cute. He also said I look like a Barbie doll, which I didn't know how to take, but it was meant as a compliment. *swoon* i'm so goofy. Current Mood: geeky (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 20th, 2003
4:07 pm	FINALLY . . . . a good, productive day. I got ahold of the doctor my boss's daughter recommended, and got an appointment for June 26. But the lady also said that she would put me on the list of people to call if there are cancellations, so it's possible that I could get in sooner. After I got that squared away, I got on the phone with my Primary Care Physician and I got enough of my prescriptions to last me until my appointment! I have a doctor and I'm medicated. . . . Life is good. Other good news, Melissa's mom is engaged!!! She's been living with this guy in San Diego, and she came home for Eric's graduation, with a ring on her finger! Yay! Hopefully tonight will be a Travis night, which will make the day complete! Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Monday, May 19th, 2003
5:30 pm	i think i'm going to have to go to the hospital. Seriously, I'm going off the fucking deep end. Every day I got without my meds I get worse and worse. I don't even know if getting back on the meds would help. I wish I knew someone who was a medical doctor so I could call in a favor or something, but then again, I probably would have done that long ago. On top of not having my meds, I have a $140 cell phone bill that I can't pay due to not having any money, so that means my phone will get turned off, which means if I want a cell phone that will be a $190 grand total to turn it back on after the Friday deadline arrives. I'm so fucked. I keep wanting to cut, but A) it would be a quick fix. B) i don't want to go back down that road, C) i don't want to freak out Travis. I got a call from that doctor who called me back friday night, but she can't take any new patients, so that was hopefulness for nothing. She gave me a few other numbers, but that probably won't be till July anyway. I'm going to call my family doctor tomorrow and BEG that he prescribe me some pills before I go insane. I'm soo off balance. and everyone is throwing around the blame on this, my dad is bitching at me for this and everything else that happens to be wrong at that particular moment, and I just can't fucking take it. I'm about to do something stupid, all because of my fucking asshole psychiatrist. i wish there was something that I or anybody else could do, but I'm just fucked in every direction. I am so miserable. I just want to die and get it over with, and I never thought I would ever say those words again. Current Mood: scared (Comment on this)
12:43 am	i think i'm going to quit school, at least for a semester (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 18th, 2003
8:56 pm	argh the only things that are keeping me from going completely crazy are Travis and the fact that I might wind up back in the hopsital. I need to see a doctor, and a good one, and fast. Current Mood: grumpy (Comment on this)
12:33 am	need sleep i'm exhausted. probably because it was a rainy day. and i was wired for the first half, so i'm sure that wore me out. I bought a little book-thing about Pilates. . . and I say "book-thing" because it's a book with flashcards and CDs with lessons on them and stuff like that. Hung out with melissa, drinking and singing billy joel songs with her and her dad. Have to work all day tomorrow, because an afternoon shift was needed. Ugh. At least it'll give me a few more hours than the 12 i was scheduled this week. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Friday, May 16th, 2003
11:57 pm	well, despite my horrible customer last night saying i was a racist, I seemed to get over my bigotry to satisfy a customer so much today that she wanted to see a manager in order to tell her how helpful I was. How interesting. I made a few calls today to doctors whose numbers I had found. . . one lady called me back at 5:30 tonight. Unfortunately, I was at work, but I was still super impressed that she called me back at 5:30 on a friday evening. Probably a good sign that when I need her, she'll be there! if i can't get an appointment with her for a while, though, i may see if my physican can prescribe me the drugs . . . . just enough to last until I see whoever my new person is. unfortunately, all this will have to wait until monday, but at least it seems that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
1:00 am	I'm a bigot I was approached at work today by a self-proclaimed "liberated black woman" who informed me that I need to get rid of my bigoted and racist behavior, because it is, after all, 2003. I was soooo pissed off, because I am very anti-racism (case in point: Shannon!) and this woman doesn't know me, doesn't know anything about my life, and I'm so tired of people (no matter what race, religon, etc) thinking that they are treated differently and screaming "racism! sexism! agism!" when maybe the person who is "guilty" of such actions is just having a shitty day. I am scared that I'm going to end up in the hospital. I can almost cry on command, just because I'm on the verge of crying all the time anyway. I need my fucking meds!!!! On a nicer note, I got flowers from Travis again today. He was going to put them on my car when I was at work, but my brother drove, and so he gave them to me when I stopped by QT to see him. When he opened his car door to give them to me, I saw a book about bipolar disorder on his passenger seat. :) Yesterday he asked me to tell my "life story," and detail all the events involving how I left Mizzou and how I got to where I am today. I was so impressed that he wanted to know, and that he asked me to "someday" tell him the whole story. I gave him my latest poetry portfolio, and he said that he could tell that those were only a scratch on the surface of what i was really like. I really like this boy. Current Mood: distressed (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 15th, 2003
11:08 am	Reloaded RULES! I won't ruin it for anyone and give anything away. Ok, . . . I'll say this: 1. The keymaker is the cutest thing ever! 2. The agent thing is really confusing. 3. Lots more religious references. 4. A RAVE?!??!?! yes. That's all I'll divulge. IT RULED!!! Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)